By this point, you’re probably settled into your quarantine routine, and what you wear each day means much less. There’s no standing in front of the mirror wondering if you’re ready for a fit check. Odds are you’ve been starting your days a little later, rolling out of bed around nine and wearing a white T-shirt and undies while you slam through your Cap’n Crunch.
And maybe, if you’ve got some bed head, you throw on a dad hat.
The dad hat is perfectly acceptable for quarantine attire. But that’s it. If you wear a Yankees ball cap to HyVee or the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru, you’ll be met with looks from people who behind their facemasks are thinking “Wow, that person does know it’s not 2017 anymore, right?”
The jig is up. The greatest fashion cop-out of the past decade is dead. There, I said it.
That means all dad hats. Even the bootleg Yeezy hat you paid 40 bucks for on Etsy.
Dad hats had their time and place in fashion, popping up around 2013 as “normcore” became a dominant trend among younger millennials and ushered in ironic style trends such as fanny packs, Fila sneakers, and mom jeans. Suddenly, it was cool to be uncool, looking like Jerry Seinfeld heading down to Tom’s in pleated chinos and a nylon windbreaker.
Indie and emo kids held claim over the trend at first (see: bands like Mom Jeans and Modern Baseball or any band with “dad” or “grandpa” or “sports” in their name). But it wasn’t long before Drake and Kendall Jenner and Kanye were wearing dad hats, bringing dad hats into the mainstream and making everyone from sorority girls to punks fall in love with how the dad hat could easily turn them into someone quirky and fun.
Here’s my opinion: This should be the hat that got passed down to you because it was covered in your dad’s lawn-mowing sweat and he just picked up a new ball cap for himself from the Walmart endcaps. Or it should be the hat you bought from the Mount Rushmore gift shop and never wore again. That’s it. Those are the only two options.
I mean, yeah, dad hats were cool at first, but it’s just that you could be doing better. Much, much better.
You might wonder where my disdain for dad hats comes from. My uncle Randy, who is a Vietnam veteran and has intel from the NSA, told me a few weeks ago over some Natty Lights and a pack of Marlboro Reds that every dad hat is installed with a tracking device. It’s pretty much the “Birds Aren’t Real” of headwear conspiracy theories. But it’s real, man. My uncle Randy said so.
Below are some more up-to-date headwear trends to help you bring your hat game into the ‘20s.